My Time in Exile

You should all go and listen to Third Eye Blind. Ok, that’s all I had to say.

Just Kidding!

But seriously, they are legit. Anyway, I’ve been terrible (not a surprise) at chronicling my bum adventures. I’m currently heading into week 5 of my bummage. There have been a lot of twists and turns, ups and downs, and all of the in between. There are a few reasons as to why I’ve been away. First and foremost, I’ve actually began to have a semblance of a life! Secondly, the first two-ish weeks were spent with me having panic attacks (more on that later). Thirdly, honestly I didn’t know how/what to say about it. But now I’m back! With a bunch of words that will be construed into sentences. I can’t guarantee they’ll make sense, but here goes.

So previously I’ve written about the difficulties of making friends and that I had intended to go downtown a while back. Well, I’ve hit those marks, and quite well I may add. Long story short, I’ve met some ladies around my age and have actually been meeting up with them on the regular. Yes, that means I’ve been putting on pants (begrudgingly), leaving the comfort of my bed and pup, and have been thriving in the “real world”. Granted, I’ve had to be waaaayyyy more conservative on the spending do to my bum status, but nevertheless, I haven’t been happier. Well, it hasn’t been all fun and games.

The first two weeks, in between making friends and all that jazz, I was a total spazz. You see, I’ve always done the “practical” thing. Go to school, maintain a job, know exactly what you’re doing at all times, etc etc etc. Bottom line my motto was “YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN!!!! ALWAYS!!!!! I cannot emphasize to you how firmly that belief was embedded into my core being. So for someone as uptight and neurotic as I am (or was/is?? who knows, lol) doing what I did was no easy feat, and it had psychological ramifications that then manifested into physiological ones known as wonderful panic attacks. I was so stressed, the unknown (at least for me) is such a scary scary place. Just to give you a clearer picture, I am so predictable that back when I was 19 I created a weekly event with my friend call Spontaneous Tuesdays (the irony is not lost on me). Theoretically, Tuesdays were supposed to have spontaneity and intrigue but in actuality we would end up at the same place, doing the same thing, and I even parked in the same area. So folks, my parents should have named me Predictable Pam. Anyway I digress from my point. The transition was a tough one and honestly I wasn’t enjoying it until my sister pointed out some apparent (not so apparent to me) arguments as to why I needed to chill the eff out.

I was on my way to Target and she could tell that I was stressing, so she looks at me and says “Dude, you have no reason to be stressed out. You’re not homeless, you’re not broke, and you literally have no major obligations. So chill out and stop finding problems when there are none.” I was getting ready to counter, but then I realized that she was absolutely right! The tightening pain I felt in my chest disappeared as quickly as it had come. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, “I’m free, to do absolutely whatever it is that I desire. This is not an exile, this is a chance for me to enjoy being me!” So, I’ve been doing just that. I even have gone out of my comfort zone and have done some pretty cool things that are very unlike myself (more on that later).

Believe it or not, I am slowly, but surely growing quite comfortable with the unknown. After my little revelation (with the help of my sister), I chilled out and life is good. Not only have I made friends, having this free time has forced me to really develop my interpersonal skills on a personal level. Professionally, I’m great at communication and forging relationships (money talks). Personally… I have to some work to do. I suppose I’ve always been able to hide this (well, at least from myself) because I’ve been buried in work for so long. I’ve even changed my exercise and eating regimens (more on that later). All in all, this time to develop myself is exactly what I needed. I have grown exponentially this past month and I’m looking forward to seeing how else I progress! Don’t worry, I’ll be posting more funny stuff soon. Lord knows I’ve been on enough adventures in the past few weeks, so stay tuned!

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